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Big Ghost Chronicles: Drake “Take Care” (Album Review)

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Wednesday, 09 November 2011
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Ayo whattup yall…the Hands of Zeus aka Thor Molecules aka Phantom Raviolis aka Cocaine Biceps… otherwise known as The Blog King n the Inventor of the Slap…is now officially back in the building namsayin. As summa yalls already kno…the god aint really no big fan of the nigga whose album Im bout to discuss nahmean. But Imma give this sh*t a unbiased real ass nigga persective yo. Imma ga’head n introduce the nigga now namsayin. Ayo…kinda like ya boy Big Ghost…son goes by many names b…Drizzy or Aubrey or jus Aubs…n the Artist Formerly Known as Wheelchair Jimmy nahmean. But yalls might know him as The Kitten Whisperer aka The Harvester of Pauses aka The Taio Cruz of Hip Hop aka Young Garnier Fructis the pre-cum baby aka Jennifer Aniston’s favorite emcee….n the muthafu*ka most likely to have a gateway to Narnia in his closet aka The Michael Buble of Rap or that nigga witta beatin vagina for a heart that you be hearin on the radio sandwiched between Katy Perry n Lady Gaga joints all day aka Justin Biebers beard n the only nigga on earth capable of turnin sandpaper into moist towelettes wit the touch of his hands…the vagina nectar-garglin nigga who makes lambs look dangerous hisself…..otherwise known as the Human Electric Slide… OctobVariesOwn….Drake. Now I promise yall…I aint got no expectations or plans to hate on this nigga unless the sh*t jus so happens to be wack nahmean…Word is bond. Truth is…I aint really got nothin against son like that yo. Aight lets go…


Ayo fu*k this nigga b. First off…this nigga gotta stop wit this lonely mobster image he tryin to portray these days yo. This nigga said this sh*t was bout him feelin like he a king tho. Son said “I used to stare at this world through a glass window and, like, two to three years later, I become a king in that world. That’s who’s sitting on that cover…” They give this nigga a muthafu*kin goblet n a table for one witta candle n a bronze owl n now he runnin rap? Nigga ya respect from ya peers is as deep as the success you got in the mainstream. Aint nobody in rap lookin up to you like that cos you dope. Your success is whats dope to these niggas son. King tho? fu*k outta here b.

1. Over My Dead Body – A forreal….this sounds like the soundtrack to some Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants type sh*t son. I forget who the broad he got singin the hook on this muthafu*ka is…but i think its Renee Zellweger or some sh*t. I feel like Im inside a Barnes & Noble or a Starbucks b… This joint is more light in the ass than the fushigi gravity balls you see in those infomercials at 3 in the mornin son. But yo…how the first words that this nigga got the nerve to utter on this muthafu*kin album gon be “I think I killed errybody in the game last year man”? Pardon me son? Word? You mean the same year that Kanye dropped another classic album in…while yo overrated ass uhhh….DID NOT? That year b? You mean the year when niggas predicted you was gon do a milli the first week out n you did 450k instead…n then a few days later Eminem dropped n he did like 750k in HIS first week n kept YOU from gettin back to the top of the charts? The same year that Em n Jigga won all the Grammys YOU was spose to take home? THAT year son? Oh.

2. Shot For Me – I dont even know what to say b. Like forreal…after hearin this sh*t…I wouldnt be surprised if this nigga could pollinate a flower wit his fu*kin breath son. Im pretty sure that son gets up in the morning n plays his harp for his cats n then slides down the muthafu*kin banister in his satin man nightie n has a full glass of breast milk before he goes to the studio n hammers out some pooned out sh*t like this b. Sons talkin to a broad thru the whole song on some bitter sh*t n at one point the nigga even says “The way you walk…thats me. The way you talk…thats me. The way you got your hair up…did you forget? Thats me” Son… Thats you? Aight then… But the boy aint done yet yo…at the end of the joint he proposes a toast. This is how that sh*t go…

“May your neigbors respect you
Trouble neglect you, angels protect you
And Heaven accept you”.

Ayo I gotta toast for you too Drake…”May you shut the fu*k up”

3. Headlines – Lets be real…lotta yall muthafu*kas dont wanna accept that this sh*t was a crime against heterosexuality…but thats cool. Yall feel like the human croissant did his thing on this sh*t. I respect that. But anyways…the god already had a few thoughts on this sh*t a few months ago namsayin. Yall can peep that sh*t rite HERE

4. Crew Love (ft The Weeknd) – Ayo I been startin to accept that maybe ALL these joints is gon be bi*chmade son. Truth is I fu*ks wit The Weeknd tho b. The music on this sh*t aint that bad…but it aint really no kinda beat namsayin. But then here come Young Angel talmbout havin “soldiers” n niggas “who came up off the strip” for him n “come up off the hip” for him if he need em to. I mean……jus stop that sh*t son. Niggas kno ya pedigree b. Like you wasnt the little nigga ridin ponies n doin cartwhels in the backyard livin that upperclass suburban life before you became a Canadian teen soap opera star n sh*t b. Now you the nigga tuckin napkins in ya shirt while you eat cos you “mobbin like that” n orderin hits on niggas who disrespect you…jus stop it Aubrey. Son said “I think I like who Im becoming…” Im sayin the boy Aubs is startin to feel hisself a little too much b. Anyways son…when I thinks of Crew Love I think bout Beanie Sigel movin J Cole’s mentor out his way so he could body the fu*k outta a glorious ass beat while Jiggaman in his prime delivers a hook that sticks to ya ribs namsayin. Thats what Im gon always think of son…

5. Take Care – Is this sh*t house? This sh*ts like some kinda African disco sh*t b. Nothin wrong witta nigga gettin his international on but sons spittin those cream-filled bars again. Ayo son actually dropped the words “tears all over the pillowcase” namsayin…like I aint even had to make that sh*t up b. But dont worry ma…Aubrey got his cape on again …tellin the broads of the world exactly what yall spose to be thinkin n feelin n how “Somebody shouldve told you something…to save you”. The moisture levels on this sh*t got clouds formin over my speakers b.

“Pushin me away so I give her space

dealin witta heart I didnt break

I be there for you, I will care for you

I keep thinkin you jus dont kno…”

6. Marvin’s Room/Buried Alive [Interlude] (ft Kendrick Lamar) – Aka the “Player HATER’S Anthem”. This nigga jus gon use bein drunk as a green light to talk to a broad while her man aint around n tell her that son aint sh*t. This is what little marshmallow ass muthafu*kas do tho. Word. Now clown ass niggas is gon try n justify this sh*t as son jus dealin wit real nigga emotions n sh*t…or like he aint afraid to jus be honest. Nah. fu*k ya real emotions b. Thats like sayin “oh son was jussa little tipsy off them 4 flirtinis he had n so he dropped dime on his mans who was violatin his parole but he was jus dealin wit some real nigga emotions…” Nah yo. fu*k THIS nigga b. But my dude Kendrick Lamar continuin his streak of rockin on other niggas high profile joints n stealin the whole spotlight from em by spittin the illest sh*t on the album. Problem is that the genius nigga that sequenced these joints tacked the muthafu*kin interlude onto the end of this bullsh*t ass song yo…so you gotta either sit thru this audio progesterone ey’time or fast forward thru the muthafu*kin lotion dispensatizing takin place jus to hear that muthafu*ka son. Im tellin you tho son….this nigga BEEN alignin hisself wit the niggas he most threatened by…the muthafu*kas he sees comin for a piece of HIS pie nahmean. Yall jus aint seein it. He wanna keep muthafu*kas like The Weeknd under his wing for a reason b. Theres a reason why son had J Coles ass openin for him (pause?) on tour. Theres a reason why son got Kendrick n ASAP Rocky openin for his ass on THIS tour b. These niggas might appreciate what son doin for em…but I see what the insecure shook nigga who be goin thru broads purses while they in the bathroom is doin son. Imma need somebody to edit Aubrey off this track for me tho…

7. Underground Kings – Imma speak on this speak on this song one time one time Awwwwh. The beat is kinda trill. Yeah the beat is kinda trill Awwwhhhhhhh. But ahh cant take how son raps…no not even a liiiitlebit. Not even a liiiiittlebit. Naw ahh don’t really giiiiveash*t. Nawwwwww…

Cos really ahh dont giveash*t. They – keep – tellin – me that – ahh – jus – need – to – learn – to – giiiveash*t. Maybe if you was in my shoes youd kno why ahh jus cant giiiiveash*t. Ahh think its deliberate. Yeah ahh think its deliberate.

This song is too much homosex. Bwoy ahh aint into homosex. This nigga is so homosex….nothin against homosexuawwwwwwwls….But ah dont give a fu*k what boobie say. He – might – be – cool – wit – Bun – but – nigga – Aubrey – aint – no -U-G-K….

Nawwww…..cos nigga you be gay. Ah – think- that – the – whole – world – thinkin – you be into bootie play Ahh….Nigga ahh jus think this songiswack…I – wasted – 3 – whole – minutes – of – my – life – nigga…I wannumback Ackhhh

8. We’ll Be Fine – This sh*t got some bump to it. I was thinkin Young Angel might even try n lace this sh*t yo. This nigga jus lazy as fu*k now tho son. Say what you want bout this niggas inability to display masculine tendencies n sh*t par..but son use to kno how to rap kinda namsayin. The nigga aint exactly spittin those sewage bars he been slidin to Wayne…but son had a few Carter 4-worthy moments on this sh*t too yo. “I heard you got your ways…I never woulda known. She said “yer such a dog…I said yer such a bone”.

Birdman gettin his handrub on all over the end of this sh*t too. sh*t had niggas worried cos he sounded like he was bout to rap….instead the nigga jus did his best to paint this nigga witta gangster brush…..”Toronto stand up for one of the realest niggas…Drizzy wit the realest flow…y’kno? Toast to this gangsta sh*t fellas….” Word yo…jus look at this gangsta ass nigga….

9. Umso Umso Umso Umso Usmo Proud of You (ft Nicki Minaj) – I aint even mad at this beat son…but the sh*t this nigga be sayin yo….”I love it when your hair still wet cos you jus took a shower…runnin on a treadmill n only eating salad…sound so smart like you graduated college”. I cant even stomach that sh*t b. Son always gotta be on some “Gurl you kno you look yo best when you jus gettin up in the morning n you got them creases on yo face from yo pillow n that crusty sh*t all in yo eyes cos thats the real you gurl awwwwwhhh” sh*t. That or he feedin broads that “you aint even kno how special you is cos other niggas dont be noticin it…but I do” sh*t. Ayo pardon me if you a female that happens to fall for this cornball sh*t…but most niggas DO be knowin bout these muthafu*kin covert broad tactics namsayin. This nigga tellin you what you wanna hear n throwin all the other niggas you talk to under the bus….n got you convinced that he actually feel that way ma. Son be preyin on the weak. The nigga jus gon parallel park his top down bi*chmobile on the track n do nothin but wait for these low self esteem havin broads to come flyin across the hood of his sh*t n take that bait. But its whatever namsayin. Let this nigga get his false Beyonce female empowerment on. But that hook son. Ayo is this nigga still attached to a placenta sack b?

10. Lord Knows (ft Rick Ross) – Anybody remember the last time Just Blaze produced a wack joint now? This beat is some incredible sh*t my nigga. Rozay does his thing too…n if I couldnt understand what the homie Young Playtex was sayin…I would say his sh*t was aight too. But listen to this niggas bars son…..

“So Im goin thru her phone if she go to the bathroom n her purse rite there…I dont trust these hoes at all”

But yo..I fu*ks wit this joint son. Real talk tho…I woulda fu*ked wit it even if there was no vocals until the Bawse comes in n gets his ignorant on anyways. If somebody gets me a instrumental of this joint Imma jus play the sh*t outta that muthafu*ka too son. Matter fact Im lookin forward to hearin OTHER niggas body this sh*t namsayin (no…not you Papoose). Cos son gave this nigga one of the top 3 beats of the year nahmean. Plus Just Blaze beats is like jeggings son….they can make almost any bi*ch ass look good

11. Cameras/Good Ones Go (Interlude) – That Jon B I hear son? Anyways this nigga jus gon get his Lil Tunechi froggy flow on now. At the end of the day this is jus some more of that “Here nigga hold my purse music” that son been specializin in for the last few years. But its almost like a cherub came n whispered in the niggas ear after he recorded this sh*t n told him “Son…this sh*t aint moist enough b…you need to come do a duet wit me now” for the interlude…

“Dont you go gettin married…dont you go get engaged

I know youre gettin older…dont have no time to waste

I shouldnt be much longer…but you shouldnt have to wait

Cant lose you..cant help it…Im sorry Im so selfish”

12. Doing it Wrong (ft Stevie Wonder) – This nigga jus took bi*chassedness in hip hop to a whole new level on this one b. Like son jus discovered new frontiers in softness that aint nobody EVER explored my nigga. I cant even believe what the fu*k this dude sayin yo.

“When a good thing goes bad its not the end of the world…its jus the end of a world that you had wit one girl”

No dignity whatsoever b. None. ZERO son. Not a single solitary snowflake of fu*kin decorum left in this nigga. I tried to type out the muthafu*kin words to the hook n that delicate ass sh*t jus floated off the screen when I did it yo…so you jus gon have to listen to that sh*t yaself son. This nigga gotta orchard of pauses blossoming all over this muthafu*ka. If yall enjoy these audio vagina injections thats cool…but I cant fu*k wit this sh*t nahmean. I kno son is legedary as fu*k…but Stevie playin his harmonica over that sh*t at the end dont mean sh*t to me neither b. Might also be time for my dude to jus think bout lettin go of those braids already par. Those muthafu*kas start like 8 inches further back than they did in the 80s nahmean. No disrespect to the legend but Im jus sayin b…

13. The Real Her (ft Lil Wayne & Andre 3000) – Now its time for this niggas ode to savin strippers. Havin 3 Stacks on this joint dont make this sh*t any less unacceptable b. But whenever the citizens of Los Hopeless get tired of lettin niggas slip singles down the crack of they asses they jus flash that muthafu*kin vagina spotlight up on the clouds n wait for this nigga to slide down a rainbow witta cape on his back n a tote bag full of sweaters he jus finished crocheting to come save they asses son. The boy Drake is fightin on the front lines of the war for keepin broads from takin they clothes off for money b. This nigga saves more hoes before 9 am than most niggas gon save in they whole life namsayin.

14. HYFR [Hell Ya fu*kin Right] (ft Lil Wayne) – If this muffin-top havin ass nigga wasnt jus squirtin out another sonnet bout the same sh*t n talmbout textin a broad the whole time I woulda said son killed the first 40 seconds of this muthafu*ka. Anyways yo….I dont hate this sh*t. I mean…I dont really fu*k wit it like that neither…but I aint mad at it yo. Im sayin I dont see myself wantin to smack a nigga witta light post or nothin if he play this sh*t in front of me or nothin. Like I dont feel like I gotta slap a nigga into another realm of the universe n go seed his broad up if he accidentally lets this sh*t come thru the speakers namsayin. I aint gon necessarily throw a volcano at a nigga if he got this sh*t playin in his crib n I can hear the muthafu*ka nahmean. I mean…thats definitely some kinda improvement over the rest of this bullsh*t yo.

15. Look What You’ve Done – Im havin Sideline Story flashbacks b. This nigga nearly put me to sleep wit this sh*t yo…but this sh*t probably one of the better joints on this muthafu*ka still. Its like this nigga on a roll now wit back to back joints thats still kinda bi*chmade but not as horrible as all the other bi*chmade sh*t on this album nahmean. You could even say that if son jus did more bi*chass sh*t like this instead of the other bi*chass sh*t he do…he would be aight. This sh*t is so delicate that playin it out loud wit no headphones actually jus made my clothes softer b. But it was definitely a step in the slightly less bi*chnigga direction for son.

16. Practice – The fu*k is this sh*t b? This nigga turned Back That Azz Up into a ballad? Thats like some sh*t only a rape nigga coulda imagined son. Anyways b…the message to this muthafu*kin joint is basically that all the other niggas that this broad done fu*ked wit was jus practice for her…for when she would eventually meet Aubrey’s beige ass n be able to show him what she done learned namsayin. Again yo…Im sayin…who says sh*t like that? Wack ass creepy rape type niggas is who b. Niggas who hang out by the pool at night time n scare broads away…like this nigga rite here…

17. The Ride (ft The Weeknd) – Ayo my illegally downloaded version of this muthafu*ka aint come wit this track par.

18. The Motto – So niggas is really still jerkin yo? Son…this sh*t jus makes me wanna hurt innocent creatures b. I might need to go punt my neighbor’s dog across the fu*kin block jus to relieve my muthafu*kin tension after listenin to this bullsh*t rite here again son. This sh*t was like havin herpes in my ears b. You might only live once son…but apparently you can keep makin gay ass music forever if you wanna.

So thats the whole album son…or what Im gon refer to as that cascading waterfall of invisible dicks that sons fans call his music. Swear this nigga got the most forgiving fans on earth tho b. The nigga gets that exotic budgie tatted on his shoulder…”Nah chill…he jus doin him son”. The nigga drops a million odes to savin broads…”Ayo chill…son jus tryna live par”. The nigga starts rockin sweaters from 1983 Sears catalogs n shows up to awards shows wearin grandmother cardigans made from old sofas…”Nah chill…son jus stayin tru to hisself”…Im sayin b…the nigga could show up at a awards show wearin a unitard n niggas would still be like…”Jus let that nigga do him….he jus doin him son”. Yall muthafu*kas should be ashamed of yallselves tho….for lettin it come to this sh*t in the first place namsayin. Yall LET this niggas get to the top like that. Im talkin to niggas who emcee too. Yall done allowed this nigga to come in the door…n now he done opened the floodgates to a million other soft ass muthafu*kas jus like him son. Ayo nobody disrespected Father MC n Candyman like that back in the day b. Them niggas was makin careers outta droppin soft ass sh*t too. Dudes aint try to crush they whole existence or nothin…but niggas aint exactly say “Ayo Father MC n Candyman yall niggas should be showin the rest of us muthafu*kas what direction to take Hip Hop in yo…”. But I dont even blame Drake b. That nigga SHOULD be able to have his lane. Its all good son. I hate that niggas music n he definitely that corny nigga at the club who pops open a bottle of champagne n then sniffs the cork…but he allowed to follow his dreams b. But yall niggas put that muthafu*ka on a pedestal. Like I said b…I dont blame Aubrey tho. Drake is what happens when ya son is conceived during a period week namsayin. That nigga was jus conceived on the wrong end of a menstrual cycle yo. These niggas gon always exist bruh. But I aint no follower son. If I dont like some sh*t…I dont jus rock wit it cos thats what broads be listenin to… n cos I want broads to be feelin me. Thats like sprayin yaself wit perfume jus cos chicks be enjoyin that sh*t…Yall effeminate ass niggas smarten up. Niggas always callin Drizzy homo tho. Im sayin yo…I dont think thats even the case b. N if it was…I aint judgin the nigga based on none of that yo. I mean…maybe son is kinda homo-esque. But either way par…this niggas masculinity been terminally ill for a hot minute now…that sh*ts been on life support since Thank Me Later dropped b. But Im sure that muthafu*ka done kicked the bucket forreal wit this album son. If you niggas cop retail versions of this sh*t dont forget to take the cd in for a yearly pap smear b. Ayo fu*k this sh*t son. Aight peace.

Via: BIG GHOST CHRONICLES: Big Ghost Presents: The Take Care Review

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